UNDERSTANDING SOCIAL INTELLIGENCE

In a picture in one of my Chemistry textbooks, show Albert Einstein, seating with Rutherford, Neils Bohr, de Broglie, and other notable scientist discussing new research. Have you ever thought who Aliko Dangote’s friends are? A friend either pulls you up or drags you down with him. It is life’s natural law that you’re either moving forward in life or you’re going backward, there’s no standing still. So also your friends won’t hold you down. (i.e. pause) they either drag you to bankruptcy or lever you up to greatness. If you have a friend that is a joker, who doesn’t understand that life is a business and not a play fair you might end up where you don’t like with him if you can’t put a stop to that friendship. In my Primary school, throughout my school days, I was friends with only the set of people who have vision and constancy of purpose for their lives. When I started business, I had new set of friends with the same entrepreneurship mindset. We all attended Business School together, hopped from one business conference to another. When I started to write my first book, I made friends with others who already are Authors. I attended Association of Nigerian Authors meeting to get to the right set of people. The people you surround yourself with matters in your personal development growth, in your being successful or becoming a failure. There’s a law called ‘The law of five’. The law of five states that ‘You are the average of the five people you spend most of your time with.’ This means if you spend time mostly with five people who are on level 3 and 4, you’ll be the average of this level. That is, you don’t even get to be on level 4. You’ll be dragged down to 3 point something. I explained this to a friend in this way, if you’re on level 5 and you have a level-3 friend. Your level-3 friend will drag you down from your level-5. So that before you know what’s happening, you’re coming down to his level. But if you’re on level-5 with a friend on level-8, definitely, he’ll pull you up. You’ll start going up from your level-5. A most shocking aspect of Social Intelligence in Daniel Goleman’s research is that our brain communicates. When you have a friend, and your communicating becomes intense, brains begin to wire and thoughts begin to transfer from one brain to another. Now, you want to check who your brain is communicating with, ain’t that right? I’d want to if you ask me.

It took me a while to realise my mentor doesn’t have friends coming and going out of his house. I have discovered the damage just one friend can do. One bad apple can destroy the whole pack. So watch out, know your friends. If he is a fan (like the over 80, 000 fans watching a football match), then fan him out. Stick only with the players, (like the 22 players active on the field). When you’re socially intelligent, you communicate better with others and make them feel better off. You create a network of friends who have a purpose for living. I get my kicks from writing books. My five close friends get their kicks from Computer education, Writing, Consulting and Public speaking, Deals, Internet innovation respectively. And they’re doing so well with their various fields. When you’re visionless you become friends with those who likewise don’t have vision. If you don’t have direction, you become friends with those who don’t have direction for their lives. A farmer knows exactly when to plant, when to cultivate and when to harvest. A good farmer utilises this seasons. A lazy farmer ignores it. But it is he who soweth who is justified to harvest. If am not with the right set of people, I read books, listen to audio programs instead. When I feel I’m not working at the pace I should, I call friends to ask them the projects they’re  working on, I know I’ll get inspired to put more effort in mine. But how do you move forward if the person you’re friends with doesn’t care about moving forward or not. Understand social intelligence today, and know the right set of people to be friends with.

(Originally written for Aurora Magazine)

Goodreads reviews for The Ultimate Leverage; Achieving whatever you want in life easily.

Reviews from Goodreads.com

THE STORY OF THE DOT

Good morning friends, I decided to share a presentation I’ll be giving this Sunday to you on this blog. Happy reading.

I was thinking about my presentation for a launching program I was preparing for. As I thought along, I got an inspiration to present this story. This is a story that will be published by Global Impact Publishing House, Nigeria as a children book. I love the story since it’s going to make my first children’s book. I learnt a great deal from the story and am hoping you’ll also learn from the story too as I want to share it with you right now. There are lots of people who have opposed the idea and asked me to wait till the book comes out but I don’t think it does matter if it affects your life positively as you read it now.

The story of the dot is the story of a small dot who found out he was in a spot. A dot in a spot. Helpless, poor, no friends, companion, nothing.

On a beautiful morning, just by the side of a plain, woke a dot who realised all of a sudden he was in a spot. To him, it wasn’t a beautiful morning, and he was angry, furious and annoyed. Yes! Very annoyed he was in a spot. Why could God be so heartless to create him in a spot? He asked himself countlessly.

The dot wasn’t happy, day and night, he slept and woke up only to find himself in a spot. Oh! How painful, embarrassing it was, just a dot in a spot, he thought. On one of this grumbling and complaining bouts he looked up only to find himself looking up at a beautiful mountain, the mountain was so beautiful, it looked serene, cool and kind. It was absolutely colourful and beautiful. He was surprised to see some dots too living there. Oh! What a painful day he thought, the creator actually created him in this spot and those he put over there. Why? He continues to ask himself. He hates God. Hates Him with passion and wouldn’t forgive him for creating him in this spot.

That night, the dot dreamt he was in front of the creator, and the creator asked him, “Dot, why are you so angry?” Dot furiously spurt out his complains about how unfair the creator was. And all that he has done that was bad and wrong and the pain he’d gotten from discovering that he was partial in creating some dots to enjoy life on the mountain while he was created to languish in the plains. The rough plains, with all the heat of the world, the plains is more like a wilderness, oh how much he hates the creator, and everything about Him.

“You don’t have to be this angry, dot” the creator admonished, but dot wouldn’t listen so the creator asked him “Do you wish I’d placed you there on the mountain?” “Of course” replied dot, who wouldn’t want that. “Not every dot wants that” said the creator.

“The mountain you cherish so much is right there in front of you dot, you don’t have to complain, all you’ve got to do is to take a step and climb on the mountain” the creator said as calm as he could.

Now, dot was even more furious. I am not a fool he thought, the mountain I see and dream about morning, that will take him forever to climb is now in front of him and all he has to do is to take a step and he’ll find the mountain beneath his feet? What does this creator takes him for? He turned and started walking away. He was very sad, what a creator, he thought, created him on this damned plain, and playing with his intelligence still. Instead of him to just put me right there on the mountain . . . anyway, he thought, I’d just de there in the spot . . . thinking along, the creator shouted out to him.

“All you have to do is to take a step. One step.” But dot has already woken up for another sad day.

He wished he could sleep forever, but doesn’t ever want to see that creator again. “I don’t ever want to, he thought”

And then suddenly, it got to him, like light breaking out into his mind, a step he said? Oh! No, he’s taking me for a fool. Dot thought and continued complaining till the day went off. The next day, he said to himself, okay, I’ll take just one step to prove Him wrong and that’ll be it. If I take one step and the mountains not under my feet, he’s a liar and that’s it. He took the step, just one, fearfully, slowly, his forehead broke in sweat but the mountain is nowhere near his foot. I said it, he said. Liar!

Weeks went by, before dot thought to himself, “If I take one more step, I’ll get closer to the mountain, and the mountain will get closer to me. Just a step.” He remembered his experience in taking his first step and it feels good after all.

So he began taking a step, one step at a time. And step by step he got closer to the mountain, and before you know what’s happening, dot went very far. He refused to take a break, he refused to rest until he gets on top of the mountain. And then finally, he got to the mountain top. When he got there, he realised he has changed completely and now very different from what he used to be, he tried looking back at where he was coming from but was surprised he couldn’t find the place. He couldn’t see the plains again, and his former spot, the only thing he saw now was the beauty of the mountain. The serenity of the environment, and the beauty of it. He couldn’t understand what happened but could only remember one thing, and it was from the creator.

“All you have to do is to take a step. One step.”

He smiled…

25 things you must have before age 25 (Preface)

UNDERSTANDING THE TIMES AND SEASONS

“All great achievement requires time”

-         MAYA ANGELOU Celebrated Author and Poet

You can’t be a successful farmer without understanding the mystery of times and seasons. For everything therefore, there is a time and season. We must be very conscious of the season we are. Time is a very important factor, there is time for ideas, time to think, time to plan and strategize, time to prepare, time to work, time to readjust and reassess, time to see result, time to harvest that which has been planted, time to profit. The time you’re supposed to reap, you can’t start planting. You can’t start planting when the planting season is gone. There is a season of planting and a season of reaping.

We have only 31536000 seconds

525600 minutes

8760 hours

365 days

52 weeks

12 months in a year.

WHAT YOU DO WITH YOUR TIME DEPENDS ON YOU

You must take 100% responsibility for your time. What you do with all these time and the seasons that comes along depends on your understanding of the times and seasons. A student who scored ‘F’ in a course read for that course (Obafemi Awolowo University students know this better). It doesn’t mean the student failed to burn the midnight candle or take night classes. The effort wasn’t just enough. On the other hand, if the student has started reading maybe two weeks before he started, he might have scored a ‘C’ or a ‘B’ or an ‘A’. The result for adequate and effective time use is limitless but first you must understand the times and seasons. Some track athlete actually starts preparing for a marathon 9 months before the games. That’s a reflection of the understanding of the times and season.

BECOMING A STAR

Becoming a star is a process. Everything is a process. Life is a process. A couple just got married and the Husband was without the knowledge that his wife knows nothing about cooking. In their new house, they had a visitor and it was time to cook so the new wife got into the Kitchen and poured all the ingredients she can lay her hand on in the pot. She poured water into it and placed it on the cooker. She wondered what next and remembered her mom use to clap her hands over the pot when the food is cooking so she started clapping her hands too. You know the rest of the story. Becoming a star cannot be rushed. It is a school everyone must pass through to become a star. Don’t think God is slow to make you a star because he isn’t. God is not slow, don’t be angry with yourself because it looks like among your mates you are the one who seems not to be doing well.

Persist and persevere in that department, in that faculty, in that project, among your classmates, on the field, among your team, in that business, in that studio.

ACT LIKE YOU ARE A STAR

“All you have to do is act as if. . .”

-JACK CANFIELD Phenomenal Bestselling Author of “Chicken Soup for the Soul”

It’s all about acting, think of how successful people work. People like Pastor E. A. Adeboye, Aliko Dangote, Bishop David Oyedepo; nobody has to tell you they are busy working day and night. A recent interview of Aliko Dangote revealed that he has a plaque with “Nothing is Impossible” written on it on his table. That means he’s just getting started to becoming one of the richest of all time. Ask yourself what does the message on the plaque does? It inspires him to act like he’s just getting started. You might be living in the project, i.e. the ghetto. It doesn’t matter. All you just have to do is act like that person you want to become. Don’t think about what other people say, live your life like the star you want to be and you’ll start attracting the right set of people, resources and everything you need to get to the top.

Get up to Greatness!

“Deep within man dwells those slumbering powers; powers that would astonish him, that he never dreamed of possessing; forces that would revolutionize his life if aroused and put into action.”

-         ORISON SWETT MARDEN Founder, Success Magazine.

Everyman has a seed of greatness in him. Every single person on earth has what it takes to make a great impact, to achieve and to succeed. Experts and intellectuals have invested their time, money and energy researching why some people are so successful and some are not. Why do some set of people achieve greatness and some don’t. Why is it that from the same family, you see two brothers, one is successful, the other a complete failure? What makes the difference? You see people from different cultures around the world asking these same questions? Like,

Why am I not successful?

Am I capable of anything at all?

Can I ever be successful?

Why can’t I just achieve my goals?

Why can’t I just achieve greatness?

Why am I in this sorry state?

YES YOU CAN

“Yes we can . . .”

-         BARRACK OBAMA First black American President.

The truth is we can achieve higher levels than we’ve ever dreamed of. We can create our own future; compelling, sweet and fun. We can use our brain power, we can keep developing, keep changing, keep getting informed, keep getting more knowledge, keep reaching, keep working and keep fighting. As long as you are alive and you’re not dead you should be grateful for that and have hope. Because hope sets you free from the dungeon of negativity. Hopelessness is a disease of the mind deriding you of joy and happiness. Wherever you are right now reading this or maybe someone is reading to you. You have dreams, yes? Everybody has dreams. Everybody wants to become successful. Self-actualization tops Abraham Maslow’s hierarchy of needs. I personally I’ve never for once met anybody without a dream. In one way or the other, your dream is there in you waiting for you to fulfill its purpose. Everyman has a dream and for every dream there is a WHY?

ACHIEVING REQUIRES ENERGY

“You must surround yourself with positive people and get out of negative people. You must say NO to energy drainers”

-         "TOBI DELLY Author and Entrepreneur

It takes a lot of energy to achieve dreams or goals. If you’ve ever worked on a single project of achieving your dream or goals, you’d know what I’m talking about. Chasing after our goal day to day drains us of our energy. We spend it; physically, emotionally and psychologically. We are trying to believe it. Trying to coordinate and control whatever circumstances on the way towards our goal. And maybe after a few days, weeks, months or years, the people who believed in you, or were supposed to do otherwise. Instead of believing in you, they begin to give you their own advice;

“Oh son, why don’t you just give up on this, you know this is impossible”

“You can’t do this, you can’t go that way”

“You understand nobody ever works that path and live to tell the story”

“You can’t even raise money to feed yourself, where do you want to get this huge capital from? Forget it brother, it can’t work”

You know how that makes you feel, you listen to them pour out their dream killing poison, draining and de-energizing you. It might be their own method of helping you in their own context. With your shoulders down and your face looking down, you search right deep inside you, you know this is possible, you know you can do it. You already figured out a way but you know this people don’t believe in you and what a great help it would be if they did. And then you begin to have a second thought, you begin to have doubt, you start evaluating, raising negative premonitions if it will work out or not. And maybe at the end you gave into their talks and agreed you can’t be successful, so you dropped the project, you closed your mind to your dream. I am here to tell you that it is time to prove those people wrong; it is time to GET UP! TO GREATNESS.

I named this teaching “Get up to greatness” because it is time most people started becoming who they are supposed to be. So many have been discouraged, demoralized, dropped beyond. You have to remember that at the far side of failure, dwells success. It might be hard, it might be challenging, you might be encountering hundreds of challenges on the way but if you will just follow your heart, if you will just cross the abyss with your heart, then your body will follow.

 

LOOK UP

 

“When life knocks you down, you have to lie on your back and look up, because if you can look up, you can get up”

-         LES BROWN Motivational Speaker and Author

 

You can get up and lift yourself into an excellent life. You can get up and start living the best life ever. Look up whenever you’re down in any of those negative moods. Look up and see greatness beyond you, beyond what you can imagine and get up to it. Because if you can look up, you can re-energize yourself to get up and fight for what belongs to you. In a population where they say we’re 140 million people, with 70% of it, 30years of age and under. You can say Nigeria is bursting with energized youths, vibrant with ideas and creativity. This means Nigeria has the potential to become one of the greatest Nations in the world. If you and I will develop to our maximum capacity and tap into the greatness that lies in us, we’d have an outstanding result and thank God there is space for everyone, there is enough to go around. The ladder of success is never crowded at the top.

It doesn’t matter how old you are. Age doesn’t matter except you’re a cheese.

(Culled from Tobi Delly, Get up to Greatness 1; A success article)